A death? Lost a job? A divorce? A natural disaster? Whatever? When people you know are going through a crisis this is the time for you to exhibit character. Here are rules to remember and how to do it the right way:
- Never, EVER, say, “Let me know what you need.” Or just as bad, “Keep me informed.” They are going through a crisis and you just put more responsibility on their shoulders. They have to reach out to you? Uh, NO! It is YOU that needs to reach out. It is YOU that needs to make the effort. They have enough going on. You asking them to put forth more effort so you can tell everyone you were there for them? Yeah, no. You don’t ask, you DO without being asked! Send food, you show up and scrub toilets, bring clothes, do laundry, take the kids to soccer, find out when the cable repair guy is showing up, You DON’T ask….you do!
- “I know how you feel” should never be uttered from your lips. No, you don’t. Everyone lives through a crisis differently. Don’t try to pretend you know; you don’t. You may have experienced the same type of trauma, but you don’t know how they feel.
- “You’ll get through this.” Good Lord! NOOOOOO…… Try, “I’m going to be here with you until you get through this. You want to talk, I’ll talk. You want to sit in silence; I’ll sit right here. You want to cry, I’ll hold your hand and hand over Kleenex.” But telling them their drama and pain is temporary in the hopes they will feel better? Oh please.
- “This happened to me once”…. or “When my parent died…..” No, NO, NO! Being there for someone in a crisis sucks. It sucks, period. But it doesn’t suck for you as much as it sucks for them. So here is your chance to put your big boy/girl panties on and be there. BE THERE! This isn’t about you; this is about them. Your job is to help them get through it by letting them deal with the crisis issue while you take care of everything else AND also help where you can with the crisis itself.
- If you really want to help, then help. Be there. Do something. Ask NOTHING of the person in trouble, they are busy enough. Get up, show up, and take up the tasks they shouldn’t be messing with.
This is your chance to show your colors, your character, and show you can be counted on…..its not about you…..be the friend/sibling/child/parent/lover/whatever they need.
